The sadness without tears

Though how many times I try to get up again
and wish all things’ve happened are only dreams
Though how many times restlessly I try to close my eyes
Could I face what will happen then after i wake up in next morning

Just a few words to be told before you go
The happy days together with you are all gone in a wink
Though I feel I will go through hard days without you
However, I keep saying "Goodbye" to let you fly away

Thank you for the colours that you painted in sweet days we belonged together
Though these rigid spirited words are conveyed contrarily with my despondent heart
All my wishes waiting for you to come to hold my hand
are buried together with all dreams and memories with you
I even couldn’t see your eyes, your smile, and your back on that day, when U’re gone

Now I’ll try to fight and search for the rest optimistic in my life
Although I still keep million questions about you deep inside my heart
Well, just let it be like this, if I really have to release you when I’m so loving you
I turn back to my loneliness, in my sadness without tears

These million feelings won’t be expressed in a string of word
Wishing that my heart would really will to allow you to leave
In this summer night I tremblingly devote this sadness
Till a cup of coffee I used to drink now tasted colder and bitter
Though this kind of love life is never expected so far

I will be struggling, chasing this loneliness just like before
Without you …
In my sadness without tears

Hopefully … (14/6/05)

The Reminiscence of Marie

She’s Marie, a cute girl who I have known her 2 years ago on summer with her wonderful smile

She’s Marie, who’s popular among her friends with her sincere heart

She’s Marie, who spent her cheerful days with laughter and bliss jokes

She impressed every people she met by her sweet purity

She’s Marie, a ballerina, a superstar…

Who amazed everybody with her low characteristic and continual achievements

She’s Marie, who I still remember when she smiled, and her inspirer dancing

She’s Marie, who used to live happily with her harmony family and friends

Marie oh Marie …. I thought she’s so lucky

When she fell in love with our college prince, Rickie

Then she’s Marie, who flied away in her romance dreams and world

Both of them looked like a pair of doves, were beautifully drifting around the heaven

She’s Marie, when I still could see her on last winter running with him in the rain

Both of them intimately laughed together, didn’t care of that chilly night

She was disappeared with him inside that luxury romance building, in the middle of blurry candle lights she spent the lovely night together

Days by days, turned to months, she seldom came back home

She’s Marie, after 3 months passed away,

There was something which she hid inside her heart

Oh … Marie, we would celebrate our graduate celebration on next winter…

I was wondering what did you worry about? Was it because of Rickie who suddenly disappeared?

I asked her whether she still loved him then she just answered by a slight smile

In some few months later I found out she got her first pregnancy for 3 months

She’s Marie, who most of time only shut herself at home since that day ….

She passed class after class, also competition by competition

Then I visited her house to see her, I knocked the luxury teakwood door with its gloomy nuance and I felt frozen in my fingers

Her mom opened the door for me with her ashen paled face though she tried to show her kind smile

My heart was beaten that time to think about Marie, what was happened to her?

Marie oh Marie … she looked so thin in her 6^th month pregnancy

She told me in her broken words that her father was not healthy

I saw him lying hopelessly with his empty glance, then Marie told me it’s all because of her

There’s no more laughter and jokes, the previous colorful harmonies life seemed to get lost

Finally, I went back to home with my crisis restless heart ….

And she’s Marie, who has given a birth to her inept innocence baby

The sweet smiles in her face before now turned to sadness and depression

And she’s Marie, who desperately stood in her father’s grave in this buried ceremony

Marie seemed to be stiffed without any expression,

While her mother was down on her knees with her unfinished cries …

Marie oh Marie …. I still remembered she told me that her mom had some problems and she needed to take some therapy

Though I tried to put some wishes inside her soul in this painful frustration

Though I held her chilled hands tightly, hope to give my power to be her strength

She kept answering by a slight smile in her weakness

She’s Marie … who was so different with our Marie before,

She’ Marie, now she always felt alone and turned around inside her loneliness

In a night of summer, she stepped her feet inside a nightclub, where she thought she would find that light back in life

On the next days, then she tried some drugs and narcotics to heal herself temporarily

Marie oh Marie, these flying red leaves that ended this autumn caressed my tears

We were all standing here to see you laid silently

Without saying “Goodbye”, except for these rumors I heard, you settled to end everything…

I’m more than sad to ask “Why”, there was only slipped a question inside my heart, “Where will you go?”

She’s Marie, that her profile was appeared in our college reunion book without her picture on this graduation day

But her shining smiles will always be remained ever after, also her last laughter in the middle of the rain on that winter with him

And some years have passed since that day, this gentle snows caress her grave

I’m the last person who stand here in this white scenery

Still I can hear her lamentation in her eternal sleep, I pray for her eternal happiness will start from now …

This is the reminiscence of our friend, Marie,

She’s Marie, she belongs to us forever … (26/04/05)

Walking Through the Rain

Silence Scream